It's Funnier if You Don't Know

I try to remember a certain kind of story. The kind of story that's really, really funny to just hear or witness, but you don't know the history behind it. They're funny because they seem to defy all logic and make no sense that they happen. The thing is, there's probably a logical explanation for why the thing happened, but if you knew what the logical reason was, the story wouldn't be funny anymore.

For example....

Ours is a new neighborhood. It's still being built out. In one of the units that was just getting the finishing touches one Saturday, there was a Chevy Astro van out front. You know the kind - the ones with the ladder on top, the cone on the front, and the metal cages inside to keep the tools from sliding around. The ones with the bumper sticker on the back with the fleet number and the 800-number to call if the guy's got road rage. The plain white Chevy Astro with Moe's HVAC, Smiley's Glass Service, or Smith Small Appliance Repair. Only this one was a Domino's Pizza cargo van. It was very clearly Domino's logo on the side of the van, and the back of it continued the logo. It had the ladder, the cone, the cage, the bumper sticker - you name it. It was a cargo van through and through - from Domino's Pizza. I used to work at Domino's - the supplies even in the little town I worked at even got a big rig. So why the cargo van? And why at somebody's house (not the resident?) Don't answer it, because the story isn't funny if you know why.

My favorite one, though, I have to change names to protect the guilty. I like the victim here plenty - I have a great deal of respect for him. But the story is too funny - and if I were to know why things happened this way, it wouldn't be funny anymore....

A couple of years ago, we interviewed Robert E. Lee (not the Robert E. Lee - remember - names are changed to protect the guilty). The resume said Robert E. Lee, the guy shook hands with us and introduced himself as Robert. We called him Robert during the interview. We talked about hiring him and he was Robert. My manager called Robert back to ask Robert some more questions. And that was the last I ever heard of Robert.

I went on vacation for a week. When I came back from vacation, I was cleaning the inbox, getting caught up on things, and generally trying to recover from the absence from the office. I got a call from my manager telling me that I needed to go ask Earl some question, or find out how Earl was doing on some piece of work. I had never heard of Earl. I had no clue who Earl was.

Me: "Who's Earl?"
Manager: "The new guy"
Me: "On whose team?"
Manager: "Ours"
Me: "Wait - I was supposed to be involved in the process and tell you how I felt. I didn't interview Earl"
Manager: "Yes you did"
I shuffle through all the resumes
Me: "No I didn't"
Manager: "Oh right - look at the resume for Robert E. Lee"
Me: "Oh - I thought he was Robert"
Manager: "His wife made him change his name to Earl"

So for some reason, the guy we interviewed as Robert suddenly became Earl because his wife said his name was Earl. After going to lunch with the guy a few times and talking about various technology or vacations or fun activities, Earl would often say things like "I'd love to, but my wife won't let me." So I've got this vision in my head of Robert coming home from work one day and his wife sewing new nametags into the all guy's boxers. "Your name is Earl, now, and that's final!" "Yes Dear..."

Several months later something came up with my manager about the same thing. And my manager told me he found out the story there. I told him to never tell me why - because the story just wouldn't be funny if I knew why Robert became Earl.